Book Writing Progress for my Memoir

So I started working on my book in July at the week before starting my class on cultural geography. During that 8-wk class I completed eight, 6-8pg papers for class, and for my book I completed the preface and the first100 pages. I also wrote and  queried seven literary agents and also worked on a proposal. Yes I've been busy but I'm also going on adrenaline.

Prior to a few months ago I didn't know that breaking into nonfiction publishing was so accessible. I didn't know that most nonfiction works are sold on proposal rather than a completed manuscript. In other words if you have a nonficition book idea you don't necessarily need to write the whole book before you try to sell it.  All you need to do is write a couple (1-3) sample chapters and a proposal. Once you have those you could technically approach a publisher without an agent and try to sell it to them, however that is not advised because once a publisher, or publishers pass on your work you've narrowed options for an agent. Secondly many reputable publishers don't accept submissions from unagented writers. Because of that I've been approaching agents with my query. The good thing about literary agents as opposed to screenwriting agents is that most, that I've come across, get back to you whether they're interested or not. Many times when I've queried screenwriting agents  I never heard anything from them.

So far I've gotten one rejection, and from the agent I most wanted to represent me but whatever. My classmate got 60 rejections before she found a publisher. I'm  certain I  won't get that many rejections 

Here's a list of resources I found helpful for book proposals and advice on narrative nonfiction or memoir.

The Art of Creative Nonfiction:Writing and Selling the Literature of Reality by Lee Gutkind

Formatting and Submitting Your Manuscript by Cynthia Laufenberg

How to write a book proposal by Michael Larsen

http://www.shunn.net/format/ (great for formatting questions)

Domestic violence relationships don't always include physical violence

We all think we have a very clear idea of what domestic violence is. We've seen the biopic about Tina Turner where Ike Turner beats the shit out of her. We've seen that one with Julia Roberts where her husband is so controlling that he makes her organize the canned facing forward an in alphabetical order and forces her to have sex with him. We all believe that domestic violence relationships are extreme cases like these, but they aren't, and many domestic violence relationships don't always involve physical violence at all or even physical violence on a regular basis. Many men who have murdered their wives never hit them beforehand. You see examples of this on a regular basis on TV shows like Dateline.

Domestic violence relationships involve men/batterers that are manipulative and contolling.

"As much as I thought I should leave him I felt I can't leave him, and not just because he had drilled into my head that leaving him was bad and I was a bad wife if I did, but that leaving him was wrong because it was my responsibility to take care of him. No matter what fucked up thing he did, leaving him--abandoning him, was as wrong a thing to do as abandoning my own child."

In many cases the control and manipulation isn't obvious. It is subtle. They just make you feel like a bad person or that you're doing a bad thing.

"He never explicitly told me I couldn't go anywhere, but let me know that doing too many things wasn't the right thing for a mother and wife to do. He'd say things like 'Come on man. How you gonna do all that? You got responsibilities You got a baby."
I knew it wasn't fair and I'd say "You have a baby too. You still do what you want."
He'd say. 'But you ain't me. Women can't be like men.'

"Of course I recognized the double standard but at the same time I had to admit that he was right. I do have responsibilities. I do have a baby. I can't take care of them and do other things too."

Batterers want to control your relationships with your friends and family. This may be subtle as well.

"He never explicitly told me that I couldn't talk to family and friends but made comments like 'Man every time you talk to your girlfriends or read a book you wanna come at my neck. Those people don't know me.' He made me feel like I was wrong for listening to what other people have to say about him and our relationship."
And he was right you know? They only know what I tell them. They don't know him like I do.

Batteres want to control your finances. This doesn't have to be as overt and obvious as not giving you any money. It can be that he lets you work but you have to use all of your money to pay the household bills while he does whatever he wants with his paycheck.

Batterers get intensely involved in new relationships quickly.

"I remember when we first met he talked about getting me pregnant. I did think it was way too soon to be talking about having a baby, but I was also kind of flattered that he wanted to have a baby with me...He wanted me to change my cell phone number so my exes couldn't call me. I told him that I wasn't talking to them anymore but he knew they still had my number and he didn't want them to be able to just call me."

Other signs you may be in a domestic violence relationship:

If your man has negative feelings about women. If he believes that women who get hit by men deserve it because they're always provoking men, always crossing the line. If he blames you as the reason he had to hit you because you just wouldn't shut up, wouldn't leave it alone. (For example if he says stuff like, "You knew I never cheated on you but you just wouldn't let it go, just kept coming at me, kept violating me and checking my phone , going through my stuff...)

If he hates women who always talk about how bad men are, like Beyonce for example. In other words if he feels that women who criticize men need to shut up.

If he defends men who cheat on their wife or girlfriend believing that woman had to have done something to make him do it. (If he defended Tiger Woods and called Elin a gold digger who deserved it.)

If he cheats on you, denies it, and then makes you think you're crazy for asking or believing he would ever do such a thing, and then intimidates or threatens you from bringing up the issue again.

If he blames everybody else for his own problems and doesn't take responsibility for anything in his life.

If you recognize any of these symptoms in your man he may be more than just an asshole. You may indeed be in a domestic violence relationship.

Not all batterers are the boogey man. They aren't all inherently bad men. They aren't all doing what they do out of spite or intentionally.They are men we all know and love--our brothers, sons, and husbands, and in many cases they are simply repeating behaviors or reacting to experiences they themselves experienced in their childhood. Nonetheless, regardless of why they do what they do, their actions are still unacceptable.

The question of what to do next isn't easy. You may want to leave and in fact family and friends might be telling you need to leave or even that you are stupid for staying, however leaving poses real risk. The majority of women who experience physical domestic violence, or those that are ultimately murdered, are women who have separated from or have divorced their batterer.

If you believe you may be in a domestic violence relationship seek out help and support before you do anything and understand that if you do decide to stay it does not mean that you are stupid or that you can't leave in the future. On average it takes a woman six attempts to finally get out of her domestic violence relationship.
http://www.thehotline.org/

I guess you might be wondering why I am including this in a blog about writing but the truth is that we all have our obstacles to success.

I'm Writing A Book

So in addition to going to grad school, raising a toddler and a teenager, and going through a divorce, I'm also writing a book. It's an auto-ethnography (which is a combination of narrative with reflective analysis) which happens to coincide with the goals of my graduate program. The working title is, In Pursuit of the Good Life: A Poor Girl's Quest for the American Dream. What I just realized this morning is that as frank and honest as I am, I probably won't be able to talk about key parts of my life in as much detail as I like, specifically my experience in the Disney Screenwriting Fellowship, because of the exhaustive confidentiality clause I had to sign when I began working there. I've got to go through my things and find my copy of the contract. I know I can't talk specifics but hopefully I can talk about the two most influential experiences I had while there...I'll probably have to consult a lawyer before I show the book to anyone. What an expensive pain!

What I wanted to say to all you aspiring writers out there, screenwriters and otherwise, is that if you want to be a writer you just have to do it. You just have to pick up a pen and paper, or in this day and age, put your finger to the keyboard and start. You can't wait for perfect circumstances or even good circumstances. You can't wait until you have the money to quit your job, or until you're on vacation from your job, or until the kids grow up or go to school. Sometimes I have to write with Nick Jr. in the background, or the baby interrupting me to play, or even sitting on my lap.

Right now I'm completely broke. I have no money in the bank, no job, no income, very little credit, but this is the exact same financial situation I was in before I won the Disney Screenwriting Fellowship, and so I trust and believe that history will repeat itself. I'm not going to worry. I'm going to write. And I will keep you posted on what outcome the universe has in store for me this time.

Struggling to be a writer

So I've been struggling to be a writer, to be a paid writer that is, but am I a writer? Can I call myself a writer? In class we've been discussing how socially constructed we all are which got me to thinking can you really call yourself a writer with no public validation? In other words are you a writer if you have no audience, if no one ever reads your words? It's kind of like that age old riddle, If a tree falls in the woods but no one's around to hear it, does it make a sound? I say yes, but it doesn't matter.

Here's a copy of my forum post from class addressing this issue.

“Although we struggle for rights over our own bodies, the very bodies for which we struggle are not quite ever only our own. The body has invariably its public dimension. Constituted as a social phenomenon in the public sphere, my body is and is not mine. Given over from the start to the world of others it bears their imprint, is formed within the crucible of social life…”  (26) In essence Butler* is pointing out that yes we are individuals with autonomous, natures, inclinations, and belief systems, but even more so we are public entities, very much socially constructed, and exist within social networks, and to deny this aspect of ourselves and our existence is to misunderstand how influential society, community, culture are on us.

Butler says we are physically dependent and physically vulnerable to one another. I had an aha moment as I realized the “truth” of Butler’s claims when as I was contemplating my career as a “writer.” I generally label myself as an “aspiring” writer and I do that because until I am “successful” society says that I am not really a writer. But it is not only society who believes that. I have bought into this as well. I can try to be autonomous in this situation and call myself and see myself as a writer despite the fact that the public has not yet made me successful (i.e, the public has not supported me enough to make a living off my talents as a writer), but there is little satisfaction in that. To be an artist is to have some public recognition and validation of that fact. Without it you’re just a wannabe.

But the case of artists aren’t so cut and dry as public recognition and validation. What about those artists who spent their whole lives working on their craft but did not receive acclaim for their talent until after their deaths? But I guess even in this case it is society who ultimately decided, albeit late, that the artist in question was indeed a legitimate talent.
*Butler, Judith. “Beside Oneself: On the Limits of Sexual Autonomy.”  Undoing Gender. New

York & London: Routledge. 2004. 17-39 Print.

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My Original Pilot is a Finalist in A Screenplay competition

My original Pilot, The Moorish American, is a finalist in the Shoott in Philadelphia screenplay competition!SIP I would love to win this and get to go back home for a visit. I haven't seen family in soo long. I wrote this script last year but didn't do anything with it until this year. I just finished writing a paper, an auto-ethnography for class about my Moorish American heritage so I feel like I'm really close to this project. I know so much more about the history of the creation of the Moorish Science Temple that I would love to work into a series, but at this point in my caeer the chances of it ever getting picked up are pretty slim. However, if it wins the competition I will have a new surge of interest in my writing. You never know what can happen. If Nickelodeon notifies me next month that I am also a finalist for their fellowship I will be over the moon (for lack of a better metaphor.)

This just goes to show you that it's worth it to make moves out of faith and not fear. In my case separating from my husband whose negative energy was blocking my blessings. The night before I got word that I was a finalist I was completely stressed out. I had checked my bank account which only had $500 in it. Now that's not bad if it didn't have to last until September when I get my next refund check from school, and if it didn't have to support myself and my two sons. Financially things are pretty precarious but hopefully this news is just the beginning of more blessings that are coming my way.

Oprah Show Finale Part 1

The Oprah  Show Finale Part 1, May 25, 2011

If you know me, you know I’m a serious Oprah admirer. I decided to transcribe The Oprah Show Finale, or as she puts it, her love letter to her viewers, because as someone struggling with my “life’s purpose” I found it to be very, inspiring, comforting, and insightful. I had so many aha moments listening to her speak and so I wanted to have a permanent record of it for myself, that I can always refer back to in my time of need and because when I learn or find something that helps me I pass it on so it can help someone else. So here it is for all of you, Oprah fan or otherwise.

“25 years, and I’m still saying thank you America, thank you so much. There are no words to match this moment. Every word I’ve ever spoken from this stage, of the Oprah Show for four-thousand, five-hundred, and now sixty-one days of my life is what this moment is all about. Yesterday, you heard the legendary Aretha Franklin sing what has really been a constant, in the theme song of my life, Amazing Grace, and how truly amazing it is, this journey that you and I have shared together. I mean really people, (laughter) when I arrived in Chicago from Baltimore where I co-hosted my first talk show with Richard Sher, who’s here today. Richard? (Richard waves in the audience. Audience Applause) I was uh (Applause) I was…I was just happy to get the job. And as you can see from uh my first day on AM Chicago at WLS,

(clip of first day at AM Chicago)

 I had no publicist, no publicist advising me, no stylist. There was no hair and make-up team. Just a jerry curl and a bad fur coat.  When I came here I was about to turn 30-years-old. I didn’t have a vision for uh, or a lot of great expectations. Stedman talked about vision all the time but, (Cut to Stedman in the audience) I didn’t have one, honey, when I came here. I just wanted to do a good job, and cause no harm. I was soo happy to get the job, I forgot to ask Dennis Swanson who hired me, do y’all have an audience? Will there be an audience because in Baltimore uh, we had an audience. It was just about 24 people, so I came here expecting that I’d have a t least the same. That first day was a shock to me: there was no audience!

(CLIP of the first show)

There I am in uh, my best uh Anne Klein velour outfit. (Audience laughs) Yeah. My first guests were a few Chicago football players, New Years Day 1984. There we are trying to make chili with no stove, no heat, and no you. I needed people. I needed to have you to gage how things were going during the show, if you were responding, if you were laughing, if you were tracking with me. So after the first show we put some folding chairs uh, in the audience. We brought in the staff, (CLIP)  look-a-there, pitiful. Secretaries, anybody we could find in the building and filled in the rest with people off the street that we bribed with donuts and coffee. We’d say “Come in. you want to get warm?” Well from day one Chicago, you took me in,-into your living rooms, into your kitchens and your dens-and you spread the word to your friends. I heard you sayin “Have y’all you seen that black girl on TV named Oprah?” The first week we went National I remember I got a letter from a woman named Carrie in Ann Arbor Michigan. And Carrie said “Oprah watching you be yourself makes me want to be more of myself.”  That was and still remains one of the nicest things I ever heard. What Carrie felt is what I wanted for every, single, one of you. I wanted to encourage you to be more of yourself, just as you all encouraged me and you cheered me on and occasionally complained about my outfits,

(CLIP OF Oprah in bad outfits)

 my big hair,

(clip of Oprah’s big hair)

Whoa! and earrings the size of napkins.

(CLIP OF OPRAH’s Big earrings)

 I now see you had every reason to but at the time you couldn’t tell me nothin. I thought I was stylin pretty cute. But soon after I started the show something shifted for me. It really did. I started this show as a job and was very happy to get the job but it was not long before I understood there was something else going on here, more than just job satisfaction. Something in me, connected with each of you, in a way that allowed me to see myself in you, and you in me. I listened and grew and I know you grew along with me. Sometimes I was the teacher, and more often you taught me. It is no coincidence that I always wanted to be a teacher, and I ended up in the world’s biggest classroom, and this my friends will be our last class from this stage. So today there will be no guests; there will be no makeovers, no surprises-really no surprises. (Surprise overload from United Center) You will not be getting a car or a tree. This last hour is really about me saying thank you. It is my love letter to you. I want to leave you all with the lessons that have been the anchor for my life and the ones I hold most precious. Every day that I stood here I knew that this was exactly where I was supposed to be. And there was many a day, Stedman can tell you, like so many of you, I came to work bone tired, and I often joked with my make-up team “My face is still in Cleveland y’all. Can you get it to Chicago by 9 o’clock?” But I showed up because I knew that you were waiting. You were waiting for whatever we had to offer and that is why I never missed a day in 25 years, because you were here. (Applause) And because, and because, this is what I was called to do. What I know for sure from this experience with you is that we are all called. Everybody has a calling  and your real job in life is to figure out what that is and get about the business of doing it. Every time we have seen a person on this stage who is a success in their life, they spoke of the joy, they spoke of the “juice,” that they received from doing what they believed they were meant to be doing. We saw it in volunteers who rocked abandoned baby’s in Atlanta. We saw it with pie ladies, those lovely pie ladies from Cape Cod making those delicious pot pies. And we saw it even with prisoners, training puppies behind bars to be adopted by our wounded soldiers. Many of those inmates, for the first time, got to experience what it meant to love and be loved and it took a dog to do it. We saw it every time Tina Turner, Celine, Bocelli, or Lady Gaga, lit up the stage with their passion. Because that is what a calling is. It lights you up and it lets you know that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be, doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing, and that is what I want for all of you. And hope that you will take from the show to live from the heart of yourself. You have to make a living, I understand that, but you also have to know what sparks the light in you, so that you in your own way can illuminate the world. You know when I started, not even I imagined that this the show would have the depth and the reach that you all have given it. It has been a privilege for me to speak to you here, in this studio, in this country, and in a hundred and fifty countries around the world. On this platform that is the Oprah Winfrey Show, you let me into your homes to talk to you every day. This is what you allowed me to do and I thank you for that. But what I want you to know as this show ends each one of you has your own platform. Do not let the trappings here fool you. Mine is a stage in a studio. Yours is wherever you are, with your own reach, however small, or however large, that reach is, maybe it’s 20 people, maybe it’s 30 people, 40 people, your family, your friends, your neighbors, your classmates, your classroom, your co-workers. Wherever you are that is your platform, your stage, your circle of influence. That is your talk show, and that is where your power lies. In every way, in every day, you are showing people exactly who you are. You are letting your light speak for you. And when you do that you will receive in direct proportion to how you give, in whatever platform you have. Of course the circumstances are all different for all of us, but the power, I know, is the same. You can help somebody, you can listen, you can forgive, you can heal. You have the power to change somebody’s life. Look around and you’ll see. You may not have to look any further than your own family, or maybe even your own self. The power is the same. Everybody has a calling. Mine aligned with my profession, my job, but not everybody gets paid for it, but everybody gets called.  It may be your skill at listening, your talent for nurturing and mothering. Do not get it confused. It does not have to be some high falutin something or something that makes you famous; we’re all confused about fame versus service in this country. One of my favorite stories is Marcia Kilgore who founded the successful Bliss spa. She was here years ago and, and, I remember going to her spa and getting a beautiful facial from her, so great. And I stood up on the table and said “This is the best facial I ever had” and she said “That’s because extractions, popping zits, are my passion.” My great wish for all of you who have allowed me to honor my calling through this show is that you carry whatever you’re supposed to be doing , carry that forward and don’t waste any more time. Start embracing the life that is calling you and use your life to serve the world.

Oprah Show Finale Part 2

Oprah Show Finale Part 2

"I’m still feeling all that love from the last two days where my team put on the surprise of a lifetime for me. I still can’t get over how they did it. You know they rehearsed in only one day? Yeah, they are amazing. Everybody keeps asking me if I was surprised. (CLIPS of Oprah at her farewell celebration.) Did you see my face? Good gosh am I surprised? The only thing I kind of suspected was Maya Angelou because I called her the day before and I said “Where are you?” and she said (Oprah in Maya Angelou’s voice) “Somewhere,(audience laughter) but I will be home tomorrow.” so that kind of tipped me off. Maya Angelou, wisdom keeper, doesn’t know where she is? I have to tell you that United Center experience was a love intervention on steroids for me. It is uh the same love I felt reading your messages on Oprah.com over the last weeks. The same love I felt from you all for 25 years. I read this post a few days ago. It was really like a love note to me. It said (from lapau123) “Sweet sweet Oprah, I didn’t know I had a light in me until you told me it was there.” So lapau123 posted May 13^th, 10:40pm.  This last show is my thank you. It’s a love-letter to you and to all of you viewers who have posted messages, who wrote letters back in the day when we still used stamps, remember? Uh, that’s how long we’ve been together. To all you tweeters, to all you facebookers, and especially to those of you who never owned a computer but you turned on your tv set everyday and watched. There isn’t a surprise left to do. I was saying earlier, “not a thing we could think of to put under your seat.” So I wanted to spend this last hour telling you what you have meant in my life, what we’ve learned together in this classroom called the Oprah Winfrey Show. It has been the greatest gift you all could have given me. Each show teaching me, growing me forward, helping me understand the common connection in our human experience. Time and again the theme that kept showing itself in our early years on the show was people making bad choices. I look back at those tapes I can’t believe that I did it. People were making bad choices and then blaming everybody but themselves for the state of their lives. We started to learn by watching learn by watching others, how self-destructive that really was. the beginning of reality tv folks. Glad we grew out of that. When you know better you do better, right? And here’s what I learned from all of that, besides not to do that anymore. Nobody but you is responsible for your own life. It doesn’t matter what your momma did, doesn’t matter what your daddy didn’t do. You are responsible for your life. And what is your life? What is all life? What is every flower, every rock, every tree, every human being? Energy; and you are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself and you are responsible for the energy that you bring to others.  One of the best examples of this Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor who was on the show talking about her book, My stroke of insight. She was a 37-year-old Harvard educated brain scientist who suffered a massive stroke in the left part of her brain. She couldn’t speak or remember her own mother, but when doctors and nurses walked into her room she knew from the right brain who was on her side. She could feel their energy.

(Cut to: interview with Dr. Taylor, 2008)

Oprah: Okay so this was the thing that changed me. You said in the book that, “I’m in here come get me.”

Dr. Taylor: I’m in here come find me. 

Oprah: I’m in here come find me. And you were more perceptive than you had ever been in your life cause you could feel the energy that everybody brought you, brought to you. And one of the things that you said that really changed me was “I wanted people to be responsible for the energy they brought to me.”

Dr. Taylor: That’s right. Take responsibility for the energy you bring.

Oprah: Energy they brought to me.

Dr. Taylor: Yes absolutely because that’s all I could perceive. I was in the present moment and that’s all I could perceive and if I had a doctor come in and just kind of talk to my mother or talk to my friends or just go about without me, not even bother to make eye contact or try to connect to me and show me that they value me and that they value the connection then I’m not going to show up.

Oprah: Right.

Dr. Taylor: So I needed that.

BACK TO SHOW

“Dr. Taylor sent me a sign that I have hanging in my make-up room today. It says “Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.”  And I ask for the same thing in my home and at my companies. Thank you Dr. Taylor for that simple, but powerful lesson. All life is energy and we are transmitting it at every moment. We are all little beaming little signals like radio frequencies and the world is responding in kind. Remember physics class? Remember physics class? Did you pay attention, (Audience laughter) to Newton’s third law of motion? Let me tell you, that thing is real. Says For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. That is the abiding law that I live by, articulated by perfection by Ms. Ceile in The Color Purple when she finally gets the courage to leave her abusive husband Mister.

(Cut to scene from the Color Purple)

Albert (Mister): I shoulda locked you up and just let you out for work.

Celie Johnson: The jail you planned for me is the one you gonna rot in.

Shug Avery: Celie get in the car. Get in the car.

Albert: knock you out

Celie Johnson: Everything you done to me, already done to you.

BACK TO SHOW

 “That is it. Everything you done to me, already done to you. It is the golden rule to the tenth power. Do unto others as you would have them do unto to you. It’s already done. All the energy that you spend trying to hurt someone else, that energy will turn around and slap you in the face. The same thing is true of love. What I know is, is that the energy that I’ve put out everyday, with the best of intention, that it would reach you where you really live, in the heart of yourself, has come back to me from all of you in full force. So that’s what we’ve learned on this show. You are responsible for your life and when you get that, everything changes my friends. So don’t wait for somebody else to fix you, to save you or complete you; Jerry Maguire was just a movie. No one completes you. We have seen it with guest after guest. When you get that, you are responsible for your life, you, get, free. When I started this show, it was a revelation to all of us how much dysfunction there was in people’s lives. I grew up with Leave it to Beaver and Andy Griffith and I thought everybody’s family life was like that even though I knew mine was not. Well this show, and our guests, began to paint a different picture, allowed us to drop the veil on all the pretense and do exactly what we envisioned, in that first show. To let people know that you are not alone.

(OPRAH TALKS OVER CLIP OF a mother lying across the bed crying with her young daughter.)  

"One of the most poignant moments I remember was in one of the first shows we did about alcoholism. We moved in with a family for a week. The mother felt her husband had a drinking problem and it was destroying the family. What moved me the most was this moment right here, in that show, where the mother is being consoled by her three-year-old daughter. That to me was the real picture of what alcoholism does to a family. And that was just the beginning. People started coming on this show saying things they couldn’t say to their own family members.

(CUT TO: Montage of flashbacks)

Woman 1993: I’m proud to say that I am a recovering alcoholic and I, I had to swallow a lot of false pride about even saying that…

Woman 1988: My name is Wanita and I want to tell my friends and family that I’m gay…

Woman 1995: Here I am over weight. I do not feel comfortable about my body…

Woman 1997: I have advanced AIDS so I probably will die from this disease…

Woman 1991:…Raped me lots of times between the ages of 6 and 9 and….

Woman 1991: I decided to come forward at the risk of my life.

Man 2009: I hit her more than once. You know there was a second occasion. There was a third. I didn’t know how to verbally converse with my wife without putting her down and beating her up verbally. Do I think it’s a cycle that can be stopped? Yeah.

Oprah: Yeah

Woman 2004: I saw  that show and I um, called my doctor, and I said I am a drug addict. I am addicted to, this is what I’m taking, and  um I need help.

BACK TO SHOW

 “Little by little we started to release the shame.”

Oprah Show Finale Part 3

Oprah Show Finale Part 3

Here we are in our last hour of the Oprah Show. This one’s for you my friends. Courtney310 posted on May 13^th at 10pm. “I’ve been watching your show for the whole 25 years. When the countdown started for the final shows I was in denial. And though I am sad to see it end, I take with me my gratitude journal, my aha moments and most importantly, my sense of self that I dug deep to find because of you.” I have to say there is no higher compliment you all could pay me. And I thank you for the hours that you’ve shared with me. We’ve learned a lot and we’ve had our share of hoopla. Wooo have we ever. (CUT TO CLIPS)I put myself in all kinds of contraptions. Rode in on a poopin elephant, propelled at Marine boot camp, and swung from a rope, and woke up my neighbors. The only thing I haven’t done is jump from a plane, which I  uh my team has been asking me to do every year and I uh know that if we had gone 26 seasons I probably would’ve caved. What amazes me when I look back at the volume of 4,561 shows is not just that you did this, but the, the, variety and the complexity of the things that we did.

(CLIPS)

 You know one day we’re L.O.L’n with Chris Rock, and the next day we’re at Walter Reed spending time with soldiers who’ve lost their limbs, and the day after that we’re sitting with an entire family of heroin addicts. I learned from the guests on this show, no need to feel superior to anybody because whether it’s heroin addiction, or gambling addiction, or shopping addiction, or food addiction, work addiction—the root is all the same.  This show has taught me there is a common thread that runs through all of our pain and all of our suffering and that is unworthiness, not feeling worthy enough to own the life you are created for. Even people who believe they deserve to be happy and have nice things, often don’t feel worthy once they have them. There is a difference you know, between thinking you deserve to be happy, and knowing that you are worthy of happiness.  That never became clearer to me than this year in a moment I shared with Iyanla Vanzant, an expert who had been a regular on our show, twelve years ago, and we were trying to develop a show for her, for her own show. She left to do a show with somebody else and we hadn’t spoken since.

 (CUT TO: Clip of Oprah and Iyanla)

                Iyanla: I just wanted you to say you liked me and you never did.

(Moans from the audience.)

Oprah: But I, I, I will say that is absolutely…I will not accept that. I will not accept that as…as, as, where I was in my heart because I, I, had offered…Not only did I like you. I would leave the stage, and give you the stage, because I liked you so much.

Iyanla: Can you hear I didn’t know that? Can you hear…

Oprah: But what did you think that meant?

Iyanla: I couldn’t receive it Oprah.  I couldn’t recognize it. I didn’t even know what it was.  You gotta hear that. You gotta hear that Oprah. I didn’t even know what it was…I thought you wanted the work. I didn’t think that you wanted me.

Oprah: Oh my God. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.

BACK TO SHOW

“What I got was, we often block our own blessings because we don’t feel inherently good enough, or smart enough, or pretty enough, or worthy enough. What this has show has taught me from Jackie Saberito, her face literally melted by the flames ignited in a car accident with a drunk driver, to Monica George, remember her? The mother with a young daughter and a brand new baby who lost both her arms and both legs. The show has taught me you are worthy because you are born, and because you are here. You’re being here, you’re being alive makes worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough. I’ve spoken to a lot of arrogant mean-spirited bullies, here, on this stage, bullies and batters, and all of them were masking the same thing, a sense of unworthiness. I’ve talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show and all 30,000 had one thing in common. They all wanted validation. And if I could reach through this television, sit on your sofa, or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you ever will meet shares that common desire. They want to know; Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you? Understanding that one principle, that everybody wants to be heard, has allowed me to hold the microphone for you all, all these years, with the least amount of judgment. Now I can’t say I wasn’t judging some days. Some days I had to judge just a little bit, but its help me to stand and to try to do that with an open mind, and to do it with an open heart. It has worked for this platform, and I guarantee you, it will work for yours. Try it with your children, with your husband, your wife, your boss, your friends; Validate them. I see you. I hear you, and what you say, matters to me.

Oprah Show Finale Parts 4 & 5

Oprah Show Finale Part 4

I took my last drive in from home to Harpo studios this morning to do an Oprah Show. I’ve done it thousands of times with the anticipation of knowing that you all would be here, audience, and today is the last time so the drive was a little different. Of course I’ll have my Harpo team here, doing shows for OWN. To all the tweeters who are asking what’s going to happen to the Harpo team? The answer is the team stays. Harpo stays. The building stays. But today was a different kind of drive in to work. As I’ve been saying to my staff all season, “we get to land this plane today. The wheels are down. We can see the runway. Everybody who works here at Harpo considers it a gift to have been able to serve all of you, our viewers. I’ve said many times I have the best team in TV and its not just because they’re great at what they do, not just because they work 17 hour days. But  its because we all here are aligned with the vision of service to you our viewers. So Harpo family, thank you, for your love and your loyalty on this trip we’ve all had of a life time. People often ask me what is the secret to the success of this show? How have we lasted 25 years? I non-jokingly say my team, and, Jesus. Because nothing but the hand of God (Applause) has made this possible for me. For all of you who get riled up when I mention God and you want to know which God am I talking about. I’m talking about the same one you talking about. I’m talking about the alpha and omega, the omniscient, the omnipresent, the ultimate consciousness, the source, the force, the all of everything there is, the one, and only, G.O.D. That’s the one I’m talking about. I know I’ve never been alone and you haven’t either. And I know that that presence, that glow, some people call it grace, is working in my life at every single turn, and yours too if you let it in. It’s closer than your breath and it is yours for the asking. How do I know this? Well, for that one teeny little sperm of Vernon Winfrey, hitting that egg of Vernita Lee, in the one time they were together under the trees in Mississippi, and voila, out, pops, me! (Applause) From Mississippi to this moment with you, I know what a miracle that is. I have felt the presence of God my whole life, even when I didn’t have a name for it. I could feel the voice bigger than myself speaking to me and all of us have that same voice. Be still and know it. You can acknowledge it or not. You can worship it or not. You can praise it. You can ignore it. Or, you can know it. Know it. It’s always there, speaking to you, and waiting for you to hear it.  In every move, in every decision, I wait, and I listen. I’m still. I wait and listen for the guidance that’s greater than my meager mind. The only time I’ve ever made mistakes is when I didn’t listen. So what I know is, is God, is, love. And God is life. And your life is always speaking to you. First in whispers. And a whisper in your life feels like “hmmm that’s odd,’ or ‘hmmm that doesn’t make no sense,’ or ‘hmmm is that right?’ Its subtle those whispers, and if you don’t pay attention to the whispers, it gets louder, and louder, and louder. It’s like, getting thumped up-side the head like my grandmother used to do. Thump you upside the head. You don’t pay attention to that, it’s like getting a brick up-side your head. You don’t pay attention to that the whole brick wall falls down. That’s the pattern that I’ve seen in my life, and its played out over and over again on this show. And so I ask you; what are the whispers in your life right now? What’s whispering to you, and will you hear it? Your life is speaking to you. What is it saying?

Part 5

People ask uh do I have regrets. I have none really about this show. But the one thing I feel I was not able to bring enough attention to although I tried in 217 shows was the sexual seduction, molestation, and rape of children, worst now with the internet than it was 25years ago when I first spoke publically in November of 1986 of my own sexual abuse. Even though I was able to speak about it because I felt safe enough with you as an audience, I still hadn’t released the shame of it. It wasn’t until many years later on a show with child molesters one of them shared how they calculate and artfully manipulate to seduce children. When I finally realized, like many of you, it really wasn’t my fault. One of the proudest moments in the history of the Oprah Show was when my friend Tyler Perry joined me, on this stage, and gave us his testimony of sexual abuse and then was joined by 200 men.

(CUT TO: CLIP OF SHOW)

Oprah: There are 200 men standing in our audience right now. each one is holding a picture of themselves at the age when they say they were first sexually abused. These courageous men are standing together to lift the veil of shame today because what happened to them as young boys has profoundly affected who they have become as men.

(Montage of Men speaking their truths.)

"I’m a husband. I’m a son. I’m a boyfriend. I’m a grandfather of 7. I work for child welfare. I work for the federal government. The sexual abuse started when I was 4. I was sexually assaulted at 16. I was raped at the age of 14. I was 6. I was 12.I was 7. I was sexually abused my entire childhood until I was 18."

BACK TO SHOW

"What a full circle moment. I felt safe enough with you all 25 years ago. This season they felt safe enough with me. Thank you Tyler and every man who had the strength to stand up for the little boy inside."

The Oprah Show Finale Parts 6 & 7

Oprah Show Finale Part 6 & 7

You all have been a safe harbor for me, for 25 years. It’s strange I know but you have been and what I hope is that you will be that safe harbor for somebody else, their safe place to fall. Do for them what you all are telling me the show has done for you. Connect, embrace, liberate, love somebody, just one person and then spread that to two, and as many as you can. You’ll see the difference it makes. My fourth grade teacher Mrs. Duncan was my first true liberator. She made me feel that I mattered. She let me to lead devotion everyday, that’s when you were allowed to pray in school. She let me lay out the graham crackers for the class. She validated me. Mrs. Duncan called a few days ago and asked to be here for the last hour and I’m honored to have her here today. Mrs. Duncan please stand up…Mrs. Duncan. (Applause) I just wanted to say to you when you first came on the show back in 1988 “Mrs. Duncan you have no idea what you’ve done for me. I now think you have an idea.” So audience I want to keep in touch. I want you to jot down my new e-mail address oprah@oprah.com. Easy to remember huh? This is going to be my personal email account for all of you. When you get something in your inbox from me, it will be from me directly and I will be reading as many of your emails as I can as I move to my next life on OWN. I want you to know what you have to say matters to me. I understand the manifestation of grace and God, so I know there are no coincidences—there are none, only divine order here, but I am truly amazed that I, who started out in rural Miss in 1984  was limited to be a maid or a school teacher in a segregated school, could end up here. It is no coincidence that a lonely little girl, (fights back tears) who felt not a lot of love, even though my parents and grandparents did the best they could. It is no coincidence that I grew up to feel the genuine kindness, affection, trust, and validation from millions of you all over the world. From you whose names I will never know I learned what love is. You, and this show, have been the great love of my life. (Standing Ovation.  

Part 7

Every single day I came down from my make-up room on our Harpo elevator I would offer a prayer of gratitude for the delight and the privilege of doing this show. Gratitude is the single greatest treasure I will take with me from this experience. The opportunity to have done this work, to be embraced by all of you who watched is one of the greatest honors any human being could have. I have been asked many times during this farewell season, is ending the show bittersweet. Well I say all sweet, no bitter. And here’s why, many of us have been together for 25 years. We have hooted and hollered together, had our aha moments. We ugly cried together, and we did our gratitude journals. So I thank you all for your support and your trust in me. I thank you for sharing this yellow brick road of blessings.  I thank you for tuning in everyday along with your mothers, and your sisters, and your daughters, your partners-gay and otherwise-your friends, and all your husbands that got coaxed into watching Oprah. And I thank you for being as much of a sweet inspiration for me as I’ve tried to be for you. I won’t say goodbye, I’ll just say until we meet again…To God be the glory. (Standing Ovation as Oprah walks out.)

If you don't have time to write daydream

If you don't have time to write, daydream about what you will write when you get a minute. Think about the story you're working on or one you want to work on.

Along those lines every aspiring writer/screenwriter should have a book or folder or file of ideas of potential stories that you might want to develop one day. Say you're lucky enough to meet with or speak with an agent or manager. Indeed they might have contacted you because they like something your working on but these people are greedy. They want more than the one great story you have, they want to know you're more than a one-hit wonder. They want to know that you are someone that can continue to bring in money. I met with a manager and he shot down my few great ideas before I even had time to explain to him how great they were. Before I knew it I was shaking his hand and leaving his office and he was on the phone with the next person. So learn from my mistake, always have ten to fifteen ideas/loglines at the ready to pitch.

Busy writing and querying

I've been busy writing and querying.

Last time I posted I was trying to get an intership with Warner Bros. That didn't work out but there was no time to cry about it. Onto the next! I applied and interviewed for an internship with the Entertainment Industries Council or EIC. They're  a nonprofit located on the NBC lot in Burbank.  Their goal is to support the accurate depiction of health and social issues in entertainment. Their mission is directly in line with my career goals which are to take what I've learned in my formal education and in my own personal life to shed light on social issues, issues affecting women, issues affecting disenfranchised populations, and issues of interest to all of humanity, by transforming them into non-intimidating mediums (screenplays and memoirs) that educate and inform a lot of people. (This life purpose became clear to me as I've been going through my graduate studies in the humanities.) Anyway I'm still waiting to confirm which days I can come in.

I submitted my original pilot script The Moorish American to the Set in Philadelphia (SIP) http://www.film.org/film/greater_philadelphia_filmmakers/filmmaker_programs/set_in_philadelphia.cfm
screenwriting competition.  The Moorish American is about a mother of four who believes she's been chosen to deliver the word of a dead prophet, but struggles to juggle her familial obligations with her sacred responsibility.  I also wrote a query letter for this script and submitted to Queen Latifah's production company Flavor Unit, as well as her agent and publicist. I chose Queen Latifah because I believe she's the ideal actress to bring to life the main character.

I finished the first act of my new script, currently untitled, and I also started working on my autoethnography (kind of a combination of memoir and social analytical commentary), working title A Predetermined Life: The Story of a Poor Person's Pursuit of the American Dream.   This book will also be a part of my final project for grad school, so not only does it fulfill a school requirement but also a lifelong goal to complete a memoir. It's also in line with my life purpose by shedding light on social issues, issues affecting women, and issues affecting disenfranchised populations. I wrote a query letter for this project which I intend to submit to James Frey, the infamous author of A Million Little Pieces. It's a long shot but for someone with his background I think it would be a bold move to publish someone else's controversial memoir.

Finally I decided to purge my life of negative energy. After all, as one friend put it "you can't have conflicting energies in your life. If you want something positive you have to make space for it." And so I have separated from my controlling, manipulating, and sometimes abusive husband and have an appointment with a divorce attorney. I am no longer blocking the blessings from my life. I have opened up a space for positive energy and success to come in.

I guess my point of this posting is to say that as an aspiring writer/screenwriter you have to be looking at all aspects of your life to see what you can do to further your goals and also considering all avenues to make your goals a reality.

Interviewing at Warner Bros tomorrow

I'm interviewing at Warner Bros for a development internship position tomorrow afternoon. Yes I have screenwriting ambitions but eventually I want to do more. Maybe start my own production company, or my own studio like Tyler Perry, or my own network like Oprah, maybe even direct.

I've always loved film and always had a talent for writing, and since I knew nothing at all about the business of film and television, screenwriting was my way in, but now my ambition is to be more than just a screenwriter.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with screenwriting, just understand that making a living as a screenwriter probably appears to be more glamorous than it actually is. First off, bear in mind that writing is a solitary endeavor.  You spend a lot of time alone, with only your thoughts and an empty page. It can be intimidating, if not infuriating.

If you become one of the lucky ones who actually sells your script you can be cautiously optimistic. Perhaps your agent, or manager will get you another paid writing job soon after your first sell. Perhaps your script will actually be produced and not shelved-indefinitely. Perhaps the studio or company that buys your script won't rewrite to the point that it is unrecognizeable to you. Perhaps your name will still be attached to it after all the rewrites. Perhaps your script makes it to production AND theatrical release. If all these things happen, then congratulations, you are a screenwriter. Pat yourself on the back and keep writing.

The truth is that making a living writing feature films is an ideal that not a lot of people will ever realize. Practically speaking, there just aren't that many films made. There are many more opportunities for television writers and the pay is much greater, especially if you get staffed on a successful show.

I don't say any of this to be a wet blanket. I'm simply here to educated you so you can make informed decisions. Aspring to be a screenwriter is great but in the mean time why not work in the film and television business and make those crucial hollywood contacts? Why not learn the different jobs available? Someone once told me that being a hyphenate, i.e, writer-producer, writer-director, writer-editor (preditor) is not a bad thing when trying to make it in this business.

Applying to the Nickelodeon Screenwriting Fellowship again

Even though I'm taking steps to find a "real" job I've also got some screenwriting goals for 2011. First I'm going to apply to the Nickelodeon Screenwriting Fellowship again. The last time I applied was in 2008. I was six months pregnant at the time and the week the application was due I came down with a horrible case of the flu. The application needed to be post-marked that Saturday. I started writing my sample spec of Entourage that Friday. I wrote 35 pages in about 24 hours. I printed out and didn't even have time to spell check it before I rushed it to the post of office. I did not win that year but I was very proud of the fact that I submitted despite all that I was going through.

This year I'm giving myself more time. Because of my baby I've been watching a lot of Nick Jr. lately. The spec I'm going to submit this year is based on a show on that channel. All I can say is we'll see what happens.

Aside from that I've still got my support system in place with my screenwriting cabal. We're five aspiring screenwriters at varying levels of success all committed to making it as professional working screenwriters. We meet once a month and e-mail once a week to make sure we are on track with our goals. I would suggest a support group to anyone who is pursuing a dream. It is invaluable.

I'm also still working on my high-concept script with one of my cabal members. He's in UCLA's prestigious screenwriting program. If we ever finish the script my former mentor from the Disney Screenwriting Fellowship, who's still has her job as a development exec, says she will read it. That's a big deal. Not a lot of people can get their scripts read by an exec at a major studio. I'm very lucky that's why I'm taking my time to make sure it's perfect before I turn it over to her.

Aside from that everyday I still apply for real jobs. Been applying for a lot of government jobs lately. I'm also back to school tomorrow. I'm in a graduate program studying the humanities. My next class is Self: Body and Mind: WHo are you? How do you know?

Trying to realize a "dream" and earn a living

It's hard trying to realize a "dream" and earn a living. I consider myself to be very ambitious. Michael Beckwith, leader of the Agape Spiritual Center, says of ambitious/ambition: "moving in two directions at the same time. Moving in the direction of your dream but afraid you're not going to get there." I find this statement to be extremely enlightening. Doesn't that describe to a certain extent the tug of war that every person who's pursued their dream has gone through? Isn't this exactly what you're doing when you're working a "real job" while pursuing your "dream"?

( I put dream in quotations because for most people dreams are things that they wish would come true, or something that would be lovely if it came true, but they don't really believe they will and so they don't really make an effort to give their dreams a real chance to be. For me, my dream is not only possible but it is what I am meant to do. For me my dream is not an improbability or impossibility. It is just a matter of time and perseverence, though some days my resolve and belief in this is not so strong.)

In the beginning it wasn't that I was afraid that I wouldn't get to my dream. I was worked a real job because it was necessary for survival. I believed in my dream so wholeheartedly that I worked jobs that I was overqualified to do and didn't pay much because they gave me the freedom to pursue my dream. I believed I was making a temporary sacrifice for a longterm gain.

Since I was a little girl I dreamed of being a writer. Elementary school teachers encouraged my talent. By middle school I had completed a novel. But when it came time to pick a career path I chose the practical academic route over the unpredictable creative path. I decided against going to the high school for creative and performing arts for writing and instead went to a high school revered for its academic excellence. I didn't give up on writing all together. As a reporter I wrote for my high school newspaper. In college I took a class, but the fact was I had long given up on making a living as a writer. I had a child to support. I thought it selfish and irresponsible to pursue a career that wasn't guaranteed to provide stability for myself and my son.

But after graduation from college, when doing the right thing by going the right route hadn't brought me stability, I thought more and more about my original dream of becoming a writer. But the original dream had evolved. Now I entertained thoughts of being a screenwriter. But I still unwilling to do anything more than entertain the thoughts. It was at the urging of my therapist, who pointed out how often I spoke of wanting to write a screenplay, and who pointed me in the direction of a feasible and responisble way to go about it, that I finally gave in to my screenwriting desires. I bought some screenwriting books and software, and enrolled in a class that in the end didn't teach me anything that I didn't already know.

To make a long story short, one-year after setting the intention to become a screenwriter I was living in Los Angeles and writing for Disney Pictures.  I was one of four chosen out of almost two thousand applicants to receive their prestigious Disney Screenwriting Fellowship. It proof and validation that I was meant for bigger and better things than my upbringing suggested. I was going to be a writer, a screenwriter!

Back in Philly, prior to moving to California, I fantasized about the next Disney classic that I would write. I fantasized about being on-set and watching actors bring my words to life. I fantasized about walking the red carpet, and watching my creation on the big screen. I fantasized about my successful career and how I would help my struggling family. It was the first time in my life that I allowed myself to let my guard down and be happy. I was worry free. All was going to be well.

And the fellowship turned out to be a fantastic experience, but it was never intended to exist on the scale that I had imagined in my head. I was not brought in to write the next Disney classic. It was not even guaranteed that I would have a job with the company once the fellowship ended.

And I didn't, but I wasn't discouraged. But as the years have gone on, and my dream still has not come to fruition, I find that I am moving in two directions at the same time. I am moving in the direction of my dream but because I am afraid that I won't get there I am also trying to cover my bases and find a career to fall back on. It is exhausting and I find that I am unable to give the proper attention to my dream, nor the goal of securing another suitable career. Everytime I sit down to write I end up searching for a job or working on something for school. I try to combine my need for income with my career ambitions. I apply for entry level positions in film and television but because of my lack of "real entertainment experience," i.e., working a desk at a major studio or agency, because the majority of the contacts I made while in the fellowship are either unemployed themselves or in no position to hire me, that route hasn't worked out. As a grad student I apply for internships but most employers are looking for graduate level interns, or they can't see the relevance of my humanities major.

So this blog is dedicated to the pursuit of my screenwriting/film and television ambitions. It is dedicated to my tug of war at moving in two directions at the same time with the hope that one day my dream and my source of financial support will become one.