So I started working on my book in July at the week before starting my class on cultural geography. During that 8-wk class I completed eight, 6-8pg papers for class, and for my book I completed the preface and the first100 pages. I also wrote and queried seven literary agents and also worked on a proposal. Yes I've been busy but I'm also going on adrenaline.
Prior to a few months ago I didn't know that breaking into nonfiction publishing was so accessible. I didn't know that most nonfiction works are sold on proposal rather than a completed manuscript. In other words if you have a nonficition book idea you don't necessarily need to write the whole book before you try to sell it. All you need to do is write a couple (1-3) sample chapters and a proposal. Once you have those you could technically approach a publisher without an agent and try to sell it to them, however that is not advised because once a publisher, or publishers pass on your work you've narrowed options for an agent. Secondly many reputable publishers don't accept submissions from unagented writers. Because of that I've been approaching agents with my query. The good thing about literary agents as opposed to screenwriting agents is that most, that I've come across, get back to you whether they're interested or not. Many times when I've queried screenwriting agents I never heard anything from them.
So far I've gotten one rejection, and from the agent I most wanted to represent me but whatever. My classmate got 60 rejections before she found a publisher. I'm certain I won't get that many rejections
Here's a list of resources I found helpful for book proposals and advice on narrative nonfiction or memoir.
The Art of Creative Nonfiction:Writing and Selling the Literature of Reality by Lee Gutkind
Formatting and Submitting Your Manuscript by Cynthia Laufenberg
How to write a book proposal by Michael Larsen
http://www.shunn.net/format/ (great for formatting questions)
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Domestic violence relationships don't always include physical violence
We all think we have a very clear idea of what domestic violence is. We've seen the biopic about Tina Turner where Ike Turner beats the shit out of her. We've seen that one with Julia Roberts where her husband is so controlling that he makes her organize the canned facing forward an in alphabetical order and forces her to have sex with him. We all believe that domestic violence relationships are extreme cases like these, but they aren't, and many domestic violence relationships don't always involve physical violence at all or even physical violence on a regular basis. Many men who have murdered their wives never hit them beforehand. You see examples of this on a regular basis on TV shows like Dateline.
Domestic violence relationships involve men/batterers that are manipulative and contolling.
"As much as I thought I should leave him I felt I can't leave him, and not just because he had drilled into my head that leaving him was bad and I was a bad wife if I did, but that leaving him was wrong because it was my responsibility to take care of him. No matter what fucked up thing he did, leaving him--abandoning him, was as wrong a thing to do as abandoning my own child."
In many cases the control and manipulation isn't obvious. It is subtle. They just make you feel like a bad person or that you're doing a bad thing.
"He never explicitly told me I couldn't go anywhere, but let me know that doing too many things wasn't the right thing for a mother and wife to do. He'd say things like 'Come on man. How you gonna do all that? You got responsibilities You got a baby."
I knew it wasn't fair and I'd say "You have a baby too. You still do what you want."
He'd say. 'But you ain't me. Women can't be like men.'
"Of course I recognized the double standard but at the same time I had to admit that he was right. I do have responsibilities. I do have a baby. I can't take care of them and do other things too."
Batterers want to control your relationships with your friends and family. This may be subtle as well.
"He never explicitly told me that I couldn't talk to family and friends but made comments like 'Man every time you talk to your girlfriends or read a book you wanna come at my neck. Those people don't know me.' He made me feel like I was wrong for listening to what other people have to say about him and our relationship."
And he was right you know? They only know what I tell them. They don't know him like I do.
Batteres want to control your finances. This doesn't have to be as overt and obvious as not giving you any money. It can be that he lets you work but you have to use all of your money to pay the household bills while he does whatever he wants with his paycheck.
Batterers get intensely involved in new relationships quickly.
"I remember when we first met he talked about getting me pregnant. I did think it was way too soon to be talking about having a baby, but I was also kind of flattered that he wanted to have a baby with me...He wanted me to change my cell phone number so my exes couldn't call me. I told him that I wasn't talking to them anymore but he knew they still had my number and he didn't want them to be able to just call me."
Other signs you may be in a domestic violence relationship:
If your man has negative feelings about women. If he believes that women who get hit by men deserve it because they're always provoking men, always crossing the line. If he blames you as the reason he had to hit you because you just wouldn't shut up, wouldn't leave it alone. (For example if he says stuff like, "You knew I never cheated on you but you just wouldn't let it go, just kept coming at me, kept violating me and checking my phone , going through my stuff...)
If he hates women who always talk about how bad men are, like Beyonce for example. In other words if he feels that women who criticize men need to shut up.
If he defends men who cheat on their wife or girlfriend believing that woman had to have done something to make him do it. (If he defended Tiger Woods and called Elin a gold digger who deserved it.)
If he cheats on you, denies it, and then makes you think you're crazy for asking or believing he would ever do such a thing, and then intimidates or threatens you from bringing up the issue again.
If he blames everybody else for his own problems and doesn't take responsibility for anything in his life.
If you recognize any of these symptoms in your man he may be more than just an asshole. You may indeed be in a domestic violence relationship.
Not all batterers are the boogey man. They aren't all inherently bad men. They aren't all doing what they do out of spite or intentionally.They are men we all know and love--our brothers, sons, and husbands, and in many cases they are simply repeating behaviors or reacting to experiences they themselves experienced in their childhood. Nonetheless, regardless of why they do what they do, their actions are still unacceptable.
The question of what to do next isn't easy. You may want to leave and in fact family and friends might be telling you need to leave or even that you are stupid for staying, however leaving poses real risk. The majority of women who experience physical domestic violence, or those that are ultimately murdered, are women who have separated from or have divorced their batterer.
If you believe you may be in a domestic violence relationship seek out help and support before you do anything and understand that if you do decide to stay it does not mean that you are stupid or that you can't leave in the future. On average it takes a woman six attempts to finally get out of her domestic violence relationship.
http://www.thehotline.org/
I guess you might be wondering why I am including this in a blog about writing but the truth is that we all have our obstacles to success.
Domestic violence relationships involve men/batterers that are manipulative and contolling.
"As much as I thought I should leave him I felt I can't leave him, and not just because he had drilled into my head that leaving him was bad and I was a bad wife if I did, but that leaving him was wrong because it was my responsibility to take care of him. No matter what fucked up thing he did, leaving him--abandoning him, was as wrong a thing to do as abandoning my own child."
In many cases the control and manipulation isn't obvious. It is subtle. They just make you feel like a bad person or that you're doing a bad thing.
"He never explicitly told me I couldn't go anywhere, but let me know that doing too many things wasn't the right thing for a mother and wife to do. He'd say things like 'Come on man. How you gonna do all that? You got responsibilities You got a baby."
I knew it wasn't fair and I'd say "You have a baby too. You still do what you want."
He'd say. 'But you ain't me. Women can't be like men.'
"Of course I recognized the double standard but at the same time I had to admit that he was right. I do have responsibilities. I do have a baby. I can't take care of them and do other things too."
Batterers want to control your relationships with your friends and family. This may be subtle as well.
"He never explicitly told me that I couldn't talk to family and friends but made comments like 'Man every time you talk to your girlfriends or read a book you wanna come at my neck. Those people don't know me.' He made me feel like I was wrong for listening to what other people have to say about him and our relationship."
And he was right you know? They only know what I tell them. They don't know him like I do.
Batteres want to control your finances. This doesn't have to be as overt and obvious as not giving you any money. It can be that he lets you work but you have to use all of your money to pay the household bills while he does whatever he wants with his paycheck.
Batterers get intensely involved in new relationships quickly.
"I remember when we first met he talked about getting me pregnant. I did think it was way too soon to be talking about having a baby, but I was also kind of flattered that he wanted to have a baby with me...He wanted me to change my cell phone number so my exes couldn't call me. I told him that I wasn't talking to them anymore but he knew they still had my number and he didn't want them to be able to just call me."
Other signs you may be in a domestic violence relationship:
If your man has negative feelings about women. If he believes that women who get hit by men deserve it because they're always provoking men, always crossing the line. If he blames you as the reason he had to hit you because you just wouldn't shut up, wouldn't leave it alone. (For example if he says stuff like, "You knew I never cheated on you but you just wouldn't let it go, just kept coming at me, kept violating me and checking my phone , going through my stuff...)
If he hates women who always talk about how bad men are, like Beyonce for example. In other words if he feels that women who criticize men need to shut up.
If he defends men who cheat on their wife or girlfriend believing that woman had to have done something to make him do it. (If he defended Tiger Woods and called Elin a gold digger who deserved it.)
If he cheats on you, denies it, and then makes you think you're crazy for asking or believing he would ever do such a thing, and then intimidates or threatens you from bringing up the issue again.
If he blames everybody else for his own problems and doesn't take responsibility for anything in his life.
If you recognize any of these symptoms in your man he may be more than just an asshole. You may indeed be in a domestic violence relationship.
Not all batterers are the boogey man. They aren't all inherently bad men. They aren't all doing what they do out of spite or intentionally.They are men we all know and love--our brothers, sons, and husbands, and in many cases they are simply repeating behaviors or reacting to experiences they themselves experienced in their childhood. Nonetheless, regardless of why they do what they do, their actions are still unacceptable.
The question of what to do next isn't easy. You may want to leave and in fact family and friends might be telling you need to leave or even that you are stupid for staying, however leaving poses real risk. The majority of women who experience physical domestic violence, or those that are ultimately murdered, are women who have separated from or have divorced their batterer.
If you believe you may be in a domestic violence relationship seek out help and support before you do anything and understand that if you do decide to stay it does not mean that you are stupid or that you can't leave in the future. On average it takes a woman six attempts to finally get out of her domestic violence relationship.
http://www.thehotline.org/
I guess you might be wondering why I am including this in a blog about writing but the truth is that we all have our obstacles to success.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)