I'm Writing A Book

So in addition to going to grad school, raising a toddler and a teenager, and going through a divorce, I'm also writing a book. It's an auto-ethnography (which is a combination of narrative with reflective analysis) which happens to coincide with the goals of my graduate program. The working title is, In Pursuit of the Good Life: A Poor Girl's Quest for the American Dream. What I just realized this morning is that as frank and honest as I am, I probably won't be able to talk about key parts of my life in as much detail as I like, specifically my experience in the Disney Screenwriting Fellowship, because of the exhaustive confidentiality clause I had to sign when I began working there. I've got to go through my things and find my copy of the contract. I know I can't talk specifics but hopefully I can talk about the two most influential experiences I had while there...I'll probably have to consult a lawyer before I show the book to anyone. What an expensive pain!

What I wanted to say to all you aspiring writers out there, screenwriters and otherwise, is that if you want to be a writer you just have to do it. You just have to pick up a pen and paper, or in this day and age, put your finger to the keyboard and start. You can't wait for perfect circumstances or even good circumstances. You can't wait until you have the money to quit your job, or until you're on vacation from your job, or until the kids grow up or go to school. Sometimes I have to write with Nick Jr. in the background, or the baby interrupting me to play, or even sitting on my lap.

Right now I'm completely broke. I have no money in the bank, no job, no income, very little credit, but this is the exact same financial situation I was in before I won the Disney Screenwriting Fellowship, and so I trust and believe that history will repeat itself. I'm not going to worry. I'm going to write. And I will keep you posted on what outcome the universe has in store for me this time.

Struggling to be a writer

So I've been struggling to be a writer, to be a paid writer that is, but am I a writer? Can I call myself a writer? In class we've been discussing how socially constructed we all are which got me to thinking can you really call yourself a writer with no public validation? In other words are you a writer if you have no audience, if no one ever reads your words? It's kind of like that age old riddle, If a tree falls in the woods but no one's around to hear it, does it make a sound? I say yes, but it doesn't matter.

Here's a copy of my forum post from class addressing this issue.

“Although we struggle for rights over our own bodies, the very bodies for which we struggle are not quite ever only our own. The body has invariably its public dimension. Constituted as a social phenomenon in the public sphere, my body is and is not mine. Given over from the start to the world of others it bears their imprint, is formed within the crucible of social life…”  (26) In essence Butler* is pointing out that yes we are individuals with autonomous, natures, inclinations, and belief systems, but even more so we are public entities, very much socially constructed, and exist within social networks, and to deny this aspect of ourselves and our existence is to misunderstand how influential society, community, culture are on us.

Butler says we are physically dependent and physically vulnerable to one another. I had an aha moment as I realized the “truth” of Butler’s claims when as I was contemplating my career as a “writer.” I generally label myself as an “aspiring” writer and I do that because until I am “successful” society says that I am not really a writer. But it is not only society who believes that. I have bought into this as well. I can try to be autonomous in this situation and call myself and see myself as a writer despite the fact that the public has not yet made me successful (i.e, the public has not supported me enough to make a living off my talents as a writer), but there is little satisfaction in that. To be an artist is to have some public recognition and validation of that fact. Without it you’re just a wannabe.

But the case of artists aren’t so cut and dry as public recognition and validation. What about those artists who spent their whole lives working on their craft but did not receive acclaim for their talent until after their deaths? But I guess even in this case it is society who ultimately decided, albeit late, that the artist in question was indeed a legitimate talent.
*Butler, Judith. “Beside Oneself: On the Limits of Sexual Autonomy.”  Undoing Gender. New

York & London: Routledge. 2004. 17-39 Print.

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My Original Pilot is a Finalist in A Screenplay competition

My original Pilot, The Moorish American, is a finalist in the Shoott in Philadelphia screenplay competition!SIP I would love to win this and get to go back home for a visit. I haven't seen family in soo long. I wrote this script last year but didn't do anything with it until this year. I just finished writing a paper, an auto-ethnography for class about my Moorish American heritage so I feel like I'm really close to this project. I know so much more about the history of the creation of the Moorish Science Temple that I would love to work into a series, but at this point in my caeer the chances of it ever getting picked up are pretty slim. However, if it wins the competition I will have a new surge of interest in my writing. You never know what can happen. If Nickelodeon notifies me next month that I am also a finalist for their fellowship I will be over the moon (for lack of a better metaphor.)

This just goes to show you that it's worth it to make moves out of faith and not fear. In my case separating from my husband whose negative energy was blocking my blessings. The night before I got word that I was a finalist I was completely stressed out. I had checked my bank account which only had $500 in it. Now that's not bad if it didn't have to last until September when I get my next refund check from school, and if it didn't have to support myself and my two sons. Financially things are pretty precarious but hopefully this news is just the beginning of more blessings that are coming my way.